Sounds like a good and worthwhile idea, a holiday set aside to honor our mothers.  And yet for those in early recovery, it can be a deadly trap.

Early Recovery & Persisting Issues

We would like to think that stopping drinking and/or drug abuse solves the problems that accompany any addiction – family problems, job problems, legal problems, financial problems – and there is some truth in that.  But because addiction is more than the abuse of a substance and recovery is more than abstinence, we bring a lot of issues into early recovery.

Building Trust Takes Time To Develop

In early recovery (think less than 5 years) the trust of our loved ones is not yet fully restored.  Often our family members are extremely fearful that this new sober lifestyle won’t last and their fear is not reduced by slogans like “One day at a time.”  They carry memories of broken promises, unresolved hurts and betrayals, and our history of dishonesty.

Your Efforts Come With Rewards

There is an old saying that “Time heals all wounds.”  While time plays a part, it is not time alone that heals.  The healing requires effort.  Our family members are looking for evidence of change – changes in behavior, changes in attitude.  They are looking for us to consistently display increased humility, decreased self-centeredness, increased consideration of others, honesty, and self-control.  All that takes both time and effort.

And Then Comes Along Mother’s Day

And then along comes a holiday like Mother’s Day, full of idealized pictures of what a mother-child relationship should look like, pictures that rarely match the reality.  Sometimes Mother’s Day instead ushers in feelings of guilt and shame, anger and resentment, a re-experiencing of old trauma, sadness, and loss.  These are all feelings that we are ill-equipped to survive in early recovery and can potentially be triggers for relapse.

Conclusion

If the foundation of our recovery is honesty, and it is, we need to be honest about the potential danger hidden in the idealized expectations of holidays like Mother’s Day and be prepared to acknowledge and accept our own feelings without self-condemnation.  It is a good time to get with our sponsors and other trusted people in recovery who have learned to navigate these turbulent waters.  It is a good time to draw on their experience, strength, and hope.

Happy Mother’s Day!