Codependency
Published: October 25, 2021
By Marty Lythgoe LAADC-CA, NCAC II, SAP

Codependency is a condition of lost “selfhood”. Originally the term codependency was used to describe the person whose life was affected as a result of being involved with someone who was chemically dependent. It is a normal response to an abnormal situation. It is born out of our natural inclination to help and has its roots in caring and compassion. Codependent behavior is an attempt to bring some control to an out of control situation.

The Problem

Codependency becomes a problem when we focus so much on the needs or behavior of others that we lose touch with our own needs, beliefs, feelings, choices, thoughts – we actually lose contact with ourselves. At its worst, codependency causes us to even lose touch with our own physical health as we neglect ourselves in our focus on others. It can be a cause of serious stress-related illnesses.
Codependency has many different faces.

Symptoms:

People suffering from codependency tend to:

  • Be “people-pleasers”
  • Be unable to have spontaneous fun
  • Have difficulty identifying and expressing feelings
  • Need to be in control
  • Have difficulty making decisions
  • Seek perfection, to their own detriment
  • Judge themselves harshly

If you recognize any of these tendencies in yourself, you may be suffering from codependency. Help is available. Codependency is treatable.

Spiritual growth is an essential piece of successful recovery.

There are many paths to spiritual growth but all require some examination and possible change of our original belief system.  The two biggest influences on our belief system are our family of origin and our culture.  To begin to change aspects of our beliefs that are no longer beneficial, we must intervene on any side of the triangle pictured above.  It is usually easiest to intervene on our CHOICES.  It is pretty obvious that when we begin to make different choices, we will have different experiences, which will begin to reshape our beliefs.

What are Beliefs?

In the old Anglo Saxon usage of the word “belief”, be = by and lief = life.  So “belief” is actually “by life.”  What one lives demonstrates one’s belief.  People claim a certain belief, and I ask, “How do you live that?”  If you change how you live by making different choices, you will naturally have different experiences, and these experiences change your beliefs.

Does this happen overnight? Certainly not.  There are 4 stages to spiritual growth:

    1. Unquestioning acceptance – usually the beliefs from our family of origin or sometimes adopted in response to strong cultural influences or charismatic leaders.
    2. Questioning/non-acceptance – often occurs during adolescence, sometimes in college or when presented with new evidence.
    3. Experience of mystery – this occurs when we come up against questions with no answers.
    4. Certainty of beliefs – when either our experience confirms beyond doubt or when we accept a truth based on faith.

How to Explore Spiritual Growth

A useful tool to explore our own spiritual growth is journaling our process, often by asking ourselves questions:

  • In what ways do I wish to change?
  • What is helping me or hindering me from growing?
  • What once seemed true that I now question?
  • What am I doing to enrich myself and grow spiritually?

 

Getting Started is Easy

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